Captain America and Thor Discover Stuff
by Darth Tromeros
Summary: Because when you're frozen for seventy years and live in a different realm, you're a little behind on things. SORRY IF IT'S BAD. First Avengers fan fic. XP
1. In Which the Cap Discovers the Internet

In Stark Tower, Tony sat at his computer, dawdling. He had plenty of things to work on, that's for sure; but he had a sudden loss of motivation and an urge for trolling. As he went through the pages of pictures of cats with captions about eating cheeseburgers, Steve Rogers came up behind him.

"What is this?" he asked, confusion flooding his face.

Tony jumped and exited out of the page. "No, I'm not watching cat videos," he said rather quickly.

Steve blinked a few times. "Videos—videos—oh, what you people call moving pictures!"

"Actually, those are .gifs," Tony muttered low enough to where Steve didn't hear.

Steve surveyed the computer. "What was that you were on?"

"That, my dear Captain, was the _internet_."

"The inner net?"

"_Inter-net_."

Steve cocked his head to the side.

Tony smirked. "I'll show you." He brought his screen back up and tapped on the internet icon. Steve's eyes grew wider. "This is the internet," Tony said. "It has information from all over the world. It consists of information, news, funny videos, trolls, stupid people, and sexy women doing naughty things."

Steve sent a strange look over at Tony at the last thing.

"Moving on," Tony said. "See this little cursor right there?" He circled around it with his finger. "You type anything you want in there – 'Tony Stark' – hit enter, and voila!"

The page filled with thousands of results. Steve's mouth dropped into an _o _formation.

"What—what is this?"

"I told you, the internet."

Steve goggled at the sight. "What do you do now?"

"You click on these links and see what's in store." Tony clicked on his Wikipedia page. "Hey! They got my hometown wrong!"

"Is that all the internet can do?"

Tony laughed. "No, no, the internet is like a whole other frontier. It'll take a while for you to learn."

"You must teach me."

"Not tonight though, old timer." Tony turned off the screen. "Goodnight."

Steve watched Tony leave the room before turning on the computer screen. He went through the tabs.

"Ooh, I wonder what history is." He clicked on it, and then a link just like Tony said. "A kitty cat?" He watched the video silently before cracking up. "Oh, silly cat. It's just a light on a wall!" Steve went back through the history. "What's this?" He clicked on it before he gaped his mouth and his eyes grew big. "So _these _are the beautiful women Tony was talking about! Wait until I tell Pepper!"


	2. In Which Thor Discovers Anger Management

Thor burst into the headquarters, a grin plastered on his face. "I have found it!" he squealed.

(Yes, I said he squealed. Grown men can squeal. Don't judge.)

"Found what?" Natalia asked.

"The perfect thing for Loki!"

"And that is…?" Clint started.

"Anger management."

Bruce slunk down in his seat as Tony started laughing. "Oh, I love this guy!" he snorted.

Thor seemed unfazed by Tony's laughter. "Maybe this could help Loki stop wanting to steal the thrown and destroy Midgard!"

The room went into silence. "So…." Natalia was the first to speak. "You're bringing Loki down here?"

Thor nodded.

The group all cast glances to one another. "Well," Steve started, "it's worth a try."

Thor smiled widely. "Excellent!" He raised Mjolnir to the sky – er, the ceiling in this case – and in the distance you could hear thunder.

"Um, Thor," Tony said. "We're inside a building, and you're making Thor storm clouds over our hidden location."

"Oh, yes." Thor put his hammer down. "That would not be very good if we were discovered."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Not at all."

"I'll be back with Loki!" Thor said, sprinting out of the room.

"I don't have a very good feeling about this," Bruce murmured.

"Oh, relax," Tony told him.

"He's bringing Loki back, though!" Bruce retorted.

"Maybe this _will _be good for him," Steve added.

Bruce shot him a look. _"Did you not see what he did?"_

"We all did," Steve said. "But that doesn't mean he'll do it now. Besides, we've stopped him once, we can stop him again."

The group grumbled.

Bruce sighed. "I guess we can do it just this once."

Thor beamed. "Great! I shall bring him at once!"

He ran out of the room. The group sat silently until Tony said, "What the hell did we just agree too?"

They flashed into the room. Loki blinked a few times and attempted to say something. Thor removed the device over his mouth. "What is it, brother?"

"Where are you taking me, you bumbling oaf?" he snapped.

Thor smiled. "You will see, my dearest brother."

Loki scowled. "If it's with your pathetic Midgardians—"

They stopped in front of a building. Loki's eyes grew wide. "No. Just no," Loki protested, trying to break away.

Thor's grip remained strong on his arm. "Let us go inside!" He dragged Loki into the store, Loki's heels digging into the ground to try to stop himself.

As they stepped—er, stepped and forced—inside, a lady sitting behind the desk looked up at them. "Hello!" she said cheerfully. Her smile faded a little as she observed the sight in front of her.

Thor continued grinning. "I am here for some anger management classes for my brother." He pulled his arm in, forcing Loki to spin around and face the woman. Loki looked down at his feet, his face growing read.

"Okay, then. Last name?"

"Odinson."

The woman sent an inquisitive glance at Thor before checking through the computer. "Oh, yes, there you are." She stood up and signaled him to follow. Loki started to shout, causing Thor to shove the device on his mouth again. Loki fought Thor, but he was too strong. Memories from their childhood rant through his mind; memories of headlocks and noogies and weakness. Loki slumped over a tad bit at the thoughts.

"Here we are," the woman announced, showing them a room. "We're a bit different from other anger management places," she said. "And considering that this… Laki has tried to take over Earth, I think it's best if we start out alone."

"Thank you. May your years be blessed!" Thor told her.

The woman gave a small smile. "Why, thanks." She fluffed her hair and headed down the hallway.

"Please take a seat," the counselor in the room said.

Thor threw Loki in the seat.

The counselor stared at them, giving them soft smiles. "Now, who do we have here?"

Removing the device from Loki's mouth, Thor said, "I am Thor, son of Odin, and this is my brother, Loki."

"I'm adopted," Loki muttered.

"Son of Odin?" the counselor asked.

Thor nodded.

"Okay, then. Are delusions common in your family?"

Thor's smile faded. "Delusions?"

Amusement flicked in the counselor's eyes. "According to this, your brother here has tried to take over the world, and you say you're the son of a god from Norse mythology."

"It is true," Thor protested.

The counselor suppressed a laugh. "Sure it is."

"You do not believe me." Thor sounded offended.

The counselor didn't say anything.

"If you do not believe me, then I will show you!" Thor removed his hammer from his belt and pointed it to the sky. Loki grimaced. Through the window, the world grew dark, lightning shooting through the sky. A flash of light went throughout the room, and after a clap of thunder, the counselor sat there, his desk burnt to a crisp, his hair sticking on end, his skin blacked, and his clothes sizzling.

Slowly, he stood up. "Are you sure that Loki's the one that needs the anger management course?"

Thor nodded indignantly.

The counselor slowly walked out of the room. When he reached the hallway, he took off screaming.

Loki sunk down in his seat. "You are such an embarrassment."

"I guess class is over," Thor said. "That wasn't very productive."

Loki rolled his eyes. "Just take me back. I was in the middle of Asgardian Idol."

Thor's eyes lit up. "I can't wait to see who wins this season!" He bounced in his seat.

Loki groaned.


	3. In Which the Cap Discovers iPhones

Steve turned the rectangular electric item in his hands. His eyebrows furrowed as he studied it. What was this thing? What were you supposed to do with it? He tapped it with his finger a few times. "Tony!" he called.

Tony looked up from his screens. "Yes, Steve?"

"This thing won't turn on!"

Tony sighed and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. This is what he deserved for letting everybody come over so often. Standing up, he headed over to the blonde-headed man on the couch. He took the object from Steve's hands. "See this button on the side?" Tony started, pointing to a tiny metal button. Steve nodded. Tony pushed his forefinger on it. The screen lit up, causing Steve's eyes to grow wide.

"Ohhhh!" Steve exclaimed, snatching it back. He put his finger on the picture of the lock and dragged it across the screen. The screen suddenly gained lots of little pictures of things, the wallpaper being the Avengers sign. "What's this?" Steve asked.

Tony gave an impatient breath. "This is an iPhone," Tony said. "If I explain everything to you, you promise never to ask me the basics again?"

Steve nodded. "I know how to use the Google encyclopedia now! I don't need to ask you!"

"It's just Google, old timer. Not 'the Google encyclopedia'."

Steve shrugged. "Whatever."

Tony pointed to the screen. "This is your home page," he started. Steve jumped in.

"Then what about these… pages?" He scrolled to the right and then back to the left.

"They're still part of your home pages," Tony said irritably. "They're just not the main page you come too."

"Okay." Steve quieted.

"If you click on this arrow here," Tony continued, "it'll bring up this." The screen went black and was filled with apps.

"What are those things?" Steve asked.

"These are called apps, short for 'applications'. They pretty much do anything. Some of them let you play games. Some of them help you do stuff, like contact people. Some of them help keep your phone in good condition."

"Can you still make calls on it? I was told this… cell phone is a mobile phone."

"It is," Tony said simply. "But you can also do a whole lot more. For example…." Tony hit the contacts list. "You can text people." He hit his name. A text box popped up. "This is Steve," he read out loud as he typed. "Then you hit send." His finger hit the 'send' button. Tony's phone beeped.

"What does that mean?"

"That means I got the text," Tony replied. "Everybody has a ringtone, which is something that signals you that you are receiving a form of communication, whether it be a call or a text. You can go in and change it to whatever you want. I'll show you some other time."

"Oh, so it's like your phone ringing, but it can be anything at all?"

"…That's sort of what I just said."

"That's fun!" Steve looked back down at his phone. "This testing is much like internet mail, isn't it?"

"Texting," Tony corrected. "With an x, not an s. And it's called e-mail, not internet mail."

Steve grinned. "I want to try this form of communication now."

"I have to finish teaching you everything, though!" Tony said. He looked back down at the screen. "If you want to return to the previous page, you hit this arrow." The screen flashed back to the contacts. "If you want to completely exit from everything and go back to your home screen, you hit this little house down here." He tapped the house, causing the screen to display the Avengers symbol again.

Steve nodded. "This is easy enough. How do I fill the other empty home pages?"

"When you get apps, you can drag them to the screens and fill them up."

Steve's grin grew wider. "This is simpler than I thought it would be."

"Any other questions?"

"Yes." Steve pointed at the screen. "How did this picture get here?"

"It's called a wallpaper. You go to your camera, first." Tony brought up the camera. "You can take pictures of yourself here." Steve started bouncing softly in his seat. "I'll let you do that later." Tony started exiting out as soon as Steve started waving into the camera. "Here's your albums," Tony explained. "From here, you can click on the picture and make it your wallpaper." Tony demonstrated with a picture of the American flag.

"Can I make my face a wallpaper?"

"Anything at all, Cap."

Steve giggled.

Tony went back to the apps screen. "The browser is the internet, which you already know how to use."

Steve nodded happily.

"So… that's about it." Tony gave the phone back to Steve. "You can figure the rest out."

"What's the market?" Steve asked.

"You can get apps there. Some cost money, so I suggest getting the free games."

"Understood." Steve's eyes were glued to the screen. "These transportable phones are fun!"

"They're called cell phones, FYI." Tony went back to his screen. His phone buzzed a couple minutes later. Tony opened the message up to read,

"hi tony its steve! :) pepper showed me what the little faces were i think they are funny"

Tony glanced over at Steve and shook his head. His phone buzzed again.

"how do you add contacts anyways?"

Tony sighed. "Look it up on 'the Google encyclopedia'," he typed back.

"ok i will"

The room was silent for the next few minutes before Tony heard Steve giggling. "What are you laughing at over there, Capsicle?"

"This game!" Steve laughed. "These birds are hilarious!"

Tony rolled his eyes. "You found Angry Birds, didn't you?"

"Yes! I love it!" Steve answered. "Why did the pigs steal their eggs? I mean, I eat bacon and eggs. Now won't it just be bacon?"

"You're overanalyzing it."

Steve giggled again before turning around and resuming the game.

A couple minutes later he heard Steve burst out laughing. "What is it now?" Tony said, a bit impatiently.

"This photo I took!" Steve said. He held his phone up to show him posing cross-eyed and his tongue out. Steve fell over on the couch, laughing like a maniac.

Tony facepalmed.

A little while later, Tony's phone buzzed again. He picked it up to see Steve's number again. Steve snickered as Tony opened up the message. Inside contained a picture of Tony working on the computer, an odd expression on his face.

Tony sent a glance over to Steve. Steve lost it, following back over on the couch. Looking back at the text message, Tony read, "lol"

"Not 'lol'!" Tony shouted.

Steve's laughing fit turned into the same giggles from earlier.

Exasperated, he sighed. "Steve?'

"Yeah, Tony?" Steve's eyes peered over the couch.

"I need some alone time right now."

"Oh, okay." Steve rolled off the couch before getting on his feet. "Can I still text you?"

"No, Steve. I need to be undisturbed."

"Okay, Tony." He grinned. "I'll text Natasha instead."

"You do that." Tony rubbed his forehead.

"By the way, Pepper said she'll be home soon."

"You texted Pepper?"

Steve nodded before heading towards the elevator. "See you soon," he said as the doors closed.

Tony hit his head against the desk. "What have I done?" he moaned.


	4. In Which Thor Discovers Norse Mythology

The Avengers entered the book store, looking at the wide variety of books that lined the shelves all over. People walked by them, not paying attention to them at all. Natasha turned around. "Okay guys," she started, "we're going to make this fast. I just need to grab a few things. Thor, don't get too far out of sight. Please. Remember what happened last time?"

Thor grinned sheepishly.

After Natasha finished giving him the Stare, she turned to the rest of the group. "Okay guys. Remember the rules we've had to establish while we're in stores."

The group sent glances at each other. Tony snickered at the memories.

Natasha gave him the Stare as well before saying, "Okay, group. Let's split up."

Clint immediately grabbed Natasha as they headed off in one direction. Steve wandered off by himself. Tony and Bruce started going towards the physics section. Thor was attracted to the escalator. He stepped onto it, chuckling to himself as it carried him up.

When he stepped off, he wandered through the aisles, looking at the different books. He stopped when he saw a book that caught his eye. "Why, it is me!" he said, picking up the book. The book's title read NORSE MYTHOLOGY: THE GODS, THE LEGENDS, AND EVERYTHING ELSE.

Frowning, he wondered out loud, "Mythology?" He opened up the book and started reading. After a few minutes, he looked up. "We are not legends!" he said rather loudly. Everybody in other aisles peeked their heads around or above shelves to see who said that. Thor furiously read on.

Meanwhile, downstairs, Natasha looked up. "Did you just hear Thor?" she asked Clint.

"Hmm?" Clint said, distracted with the book he was reading.

"I said, did you just hear—is that a manga?"

Clint quickly put down the book. "No."

Natasha raised an eyebrow.

Clint got defensive. "They're good, I'm telling you!"

Natasha chuckled to herself and kept reading.

Upstairs, Thor got even madder. "What is this trash?" he spat. "Lies! They are feeding lies to the poor Midgardians!"

He threw the book against the shelf and grabbed Mjölnir. "I'll show those people what's legendary!" Outside, the world grew dark as thunder cracked overhead. The ceiling shook. People looked up and started running.

"The ceiling is going to collapse!" somebody screamed. Tony and Bruce stopped debating over a quantum theory and watched the people run.

Bruce closed his eyes. "Who's the one person we know that summons thunderstorms when he's angry?"

Tony shrugged. "Hmm. All I know is a man who turns into a ferocious green monster when he gets angry."

Bruce opened his eyes just to roll them.

Steve jumped off the escalator as Tony and Bruce were talking, running over to where Thor's head stuck out of the shelves. "Thor!" he cried. "Don't!"

Just as he reached Thor, lightning struck through the ceiling and hit the shelf, blowing the thing up. Fragments and pages flew all over, hitting random people on the head and the arms shielding their heads.

When it was all over, Tony and Bruce were hiding behind the remains of the quantum physics shelf. Steve's clothes were charred, and Thor was standing there, breathing heavily with Mjölnir still pointed at the ceiling.

The store remained silent as Natasha stormed up the escalator.

Thor gulped. "I believe I will be seeing you in a week," he told Steve, turning away.

_"WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?" _Natasha screamed.

Steve patted Thor's shoulder. "It was nice knowing you."

Natasha stomped over. _"WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT BEHAVING?" _she shouted as Steve snuck over to Tony and Bruce.

"Ha, she's going to murder him," Tony said, amused.

"What if she really does?" Bruce asked nervously.

They all stood there fearfully, remembering that she was one of the best secret agents out there.

Clint sat behind a shelf below, giggling at the manga he was reading, oblivious to what just happened.


	5. In Which the Cap Discovers the Wii

Steve tapped the table he sat at, resting his check on the palm of his hand. "Bored, Capsicle?" Tony asked him.

"Yep," Steve said, pulling his head up. "It's raining outside, the rest are who knows where…." He sighed.

"I think this is a good time to show you new technology."

Tony led Steve into the room where they would always watch movies. It wasn't necessarily a showing room; it was more of a "the big TV" room. Tony bent down and pressed a button on a white box.

"What's that?" Steve asked.

Tony picked up two remotes. "This is a Wii," Tony said. He held out a remote for Steve to take. "Put that strap around your wrist," Tony instructed him. Steve did so.

Tony started a game up. "What are these things?" Steve asked as the game popped up.

"These are your controllers. The buttons are used for different things depending on what game you're playing."

"How do I know how to use them?"

"They always tell you before the game starts and you get used to them really fast. Don't worry."

Steve eyed the television. "What game is this?"

"Wii Sports. A good game, indeed." Tony clicked on the tennis option. "Let's start you out with some tennis."

Tony chose his Mii out. "What are those?" Steve asked him.

"Those are Miis. They're your own characters you make and play with."

"Why am I already in here?"

"I, er, got bored and made all of you guys."

Steve sent him an uncertain stare before awkwardly trying to choose his Mii. "Why is my hand on the screen going everywhere?"

"See that black thing? You have to point your remote at that."

"Oh!" Steve gained control and clicked on his Mii. "There we go," he said happily.

Tony helped Steve put his Miis on both positions. "Now, you'll have to control both of your Miis," Tony told him.

"Will do." Steve gave him a nod.

Tony took a few steps away from Steve. "Will you head over to the right?" Tony asked him.

"Why?"

"First-timers are always… frightening with their remotes."

Confused by what Tony meant, the game started. It was Tony's turn to serve. He lifted his control up and hit forward. Steve, confused and now panicking, swung widely, managing to hit the ball back. Tony, trying to dodge Steve's swings, made a swift hit. Steve's arm was all over the place. The ball bounced passed him, giving Tony the lead.

"Oh dear," Steve said.

"Capsicle, you know you don't have to swing like that, right?"

"What?" Steve stared at him blankly.

"You can just do little swings."

"Oh, okay." Steve, turning his attention back to the screen, attempted to serve. "I'm swinging but it's not going!" he cried.

"You have to hold the A button down."

"Oh!" Steve did so and the ball flew across the net. He chuckled to himself as Tony hit the ball back. "This is fun," Steve said as he swung again.

"Yeah, it is."

They continued playing. The last serve came. Steve had won one game, Tony had won the other. "Old timer, hate to break it to you, but you can't win this one," Tony told him. "I have a record going. My score is 26 to nothing."

"Well, it'll be 26 to one." Steve served, and the ball bounced past Tony. Laughing, Steve jumped up and down. "Yes! I won!"

Tony threw the remote onto the couch. "I'm done," he said.

"You're such a sore loser!" Steve said, a wide smile on his face. "C'mon, a real champion would try to earn his title back."

Tony flipped around. "It's on, Capsicle."

* * *

Natasha peered into the room. "There you guys are," she sighed. "I'm back from the store." Her glance shifted from them to the TV. "How long have you guys been playing this?"

"Shut up for a moment, will you?" Tony told her. He slowly brought his arm up and swung, the ball bouncing out of Steve's reach. "Ha, ha! 12 to 8!"

"Rematch," Steve told him.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Natasha started, stepping in front of the TV. "You've guys have played 20 games?"

"Yeah, so what?" Tony told her, still staring at the TV.

"You've basically been playing this for almost two hours?"

"So what?" Tony repeated.

"Maybe you need to take a break." She bent over and put her finger on the power button.

"Maybe you need to relax," Tony told her.

"Excuse me?" She stood up straight. "I can beat you at any of these games."

Tony laughed. "Okay, whatever."

Natasha looked over at Steve. "Can I see your controller?"

Steve handed it over. "I think I've been playing for too long," Steve said, shaking his head.

"Okay, Stark, we'll play one match of every sport," Natasha said, strapping it on to her wrist.

Steve sat down on the couch to watch them. This was going to be good.

* * *

"What are they doing?"

Steve jumped at the voice. He flipped around to see Pepper. Smiling, he told her, "It's great, isn't it?"

Pepper eyed the two tangled on the floor. "What happened?"

"They had a Wii Sports challenge. Natasha was winning every one and came close to winning the boxing when she fell over. She said Tony tripped her and was mad that he won the boxing one, so she decided to show him what she could really do outside of video games."

Pepper closed her eyes as Steve laughed. Natasha was sitting on Tony's back, his arms twisted behind him. "One more thing I'll have to confiscate," Pepper murmured.


End file.
